I get frustrated when reading in Spanish because
I don’t like the words
I notice its grammar
I can’t scan the page
I can’t read ahead.
I get frustrated when reading in Spanish because I still can.
If I had forgotten (like I seemed to have intended to) then I
wouldn’t be trying. But, despite my efforts, Spanish is stuck
in my brain. It must have locked itself in before leaving its
country. And I imagine crouched comfortably in covered creases
because I couldn’t find it (I would have destroyed it.)
But since I couldn’t destroy it, I managed to control it. Like
I never spoke Spanish in school.
I never spoke Spanish to friends
even when they too were Hispanic.
I never thought of myself as one.
I didn’t like to translate
(unless someone really needed it)
I managed to control Spanish as it were a weakness, a bad habit
to finally break.