I remember that I once tried to find a white flag to
show that I surrendered to their torment. How old
was I? Seven? Eight? I had read that a white flag meant
surrend so I thoguht if I found one, or made one, then
they might stop. "They" being who exactly, though?
Who was scaring me so much?
I hate to think of this moment because it reminds me of
how scared I really was. Now, I remember what happened but
not too much the feeling of being scared to death. Sometimes,
though, when I'm alone and I hear something out of place...
it comes back to me. Then, I laugh because it's just so
I never made a white flag because I remember that, at one point,
I thought that I couldn't surrender, no way, because that would mean
I lost (whatever there was to win). I didn't want "them" to
feel like they won. So, I decided to try to be less scared
and show "them" that they couldn't scare me forever. I thought
they would leave if I didn't show that I was scared.
I guess they did leave at one point, or I grew up and realized it
was my imagination, or I grew up and my mind closed to this other world.
I've read that kids are more tuned to these things. And I still remember
other worldy things I've seen and heard clearly. It's hard to think it was
my imagination. Especially, knowing now, that others in my family have
seen things too. Some much worse than what I've experienced.